Potterne Mummers

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The Potterne Mummers Play Text

The Potterne Mummers Play 2008/9 (Enter Father Christmas, dressed in an old top hat, a long horse-hair beard, ancient frock coat with a -well-stuffed hump of straw", limping slightly and leaning heavily on his staff, Walking round the area).

Father Christmas “Here comes I, Old Father Christmas, Christmas or Christmas not, I hope Old Father Christmas he’ll never be forgot. Roast beef, plum pudding and mince pie, Who do like that better than thee or I? A jug of your Christmas ale will make us merry, whistle, dance and sing money in our pockets is a very fine thing.

Room, room, ladies and gentlemen, let King George come in.”

(Enter King George, entirely covered in paper strips and fringes carrying his sword on his shoulder).

King George

“Here comes I, King George, King George, the man of courage bold, With my sword in my hand I won three crowns of gold;

T'were I that slew the dragon and brought him to the slaughter, And I hope I shall maintain the King of Egypts daughter.

And now let old Turkey Snipe clear the way”

(Enter Turkish Knight)

dressed rather more gaily but still wearing paper chain armour, speaking defiantly.

Turkish Knight

“Here come I, old Turkey Snipe, come from the Holy Turkey land to fight; I Challenge thee, King George, thou man of Courage bold, If thy blood's hot, I soon will make it cold.

(They fight and Turkish Knight falls).

King George

“Is there a doctor to be found, To cure this man, lying blooding on the ground?

(Enter Spanish Doctor, carrying a small bottle, dressed in paper costume representing robes, with a mortar board hat).

Spanish Doctor

“Yes I’m a doctor, newly come from Spain.

I’ve a bottle by my side, the fame of which spreads far and wide

It cures the sick of every pain, and do raise the dead to life again.”

King George

Pray Doctor, what is thy fee?”

Spanish Doctor

“Fifteen guineas is my fee, but ten pounds will I take of thee.”

(King George gives him a purse of money).

Spanish Doctor

“Here comes 1, the Spanish Doctor,

I'll cure the biggest bellied man. that ever rose from dead to life again.”

(He holds the bottle to Turkish Knight's lips).

“Rise Turkish Knight”

(He rises and the four, Father Christmas, King George, Turkish Knight and Spanish Doctor, cross hands, shaking them up and down, sing this chorus)

“Once we was wounded, and now we’re brought to life;

We sent for the Doctor who brought us all to life.

So we'll all shake hands and we'll never fight no more,

But we'll live like brothers and sisters, the same as we was before.

Before, before, before my boys, before for.

We’ll live like brothers and sisters, the same as 'we 'was before.”

(Enter Old Almanack, with a very bjg hat, covered 'With half cut strips of newspaper, and coat accordingly, at whose approach,

King George says:-

“If you dont believe in what I say, Let Old Almanack clear the way.”

Old Almanack

“Here comes I, Old Almanack~ with my girt head and little wit.

Though my wit is but small, yet I am the best man ‘mongst ye all.

My knuckle bones be very hard. Pray Doctor came and feel”

Spanish Doctor

“Yes, thy knuckle bones be very hard, I think thou be'st a girt blackguard.

Room, room, let the Valiant Soldier clear the way.”

(Enter Valiant Soldier, wearing old militia red coat, carrying a bayonet or pike staff)

Valiant Soldier

“Here come I, the Valiant Soldier,

Cutterman, Slasherman is my name;

All through these cruel wars I lately came,

Me and seven more stood to battle with 'leven score.”

(addressing Father Christmas)

“What Man stands there with his sword in his hand?

II’ll cut him and slash him as small as dust

And send his body to the pastry cook's shop to make mince pie crust”

(Father Christmas & Valiant Soldier Fight Father Christmas falls}.

King George.

“Is there a doctor to be found to cure this man lying blooding on the ground”

Valiant Soldier.

“Yes' I'm a doctor, pure and good; A little of my physic’ll do him good.”

(he hits three times 'with all his might on Father Christmas's hump)

“Rise Father Christmas.”

(The four then join hands and sing the chorus as before).

“Once we was wounded, and now we’re brought to life;

We sent for the Doctor who brought us all to life.

So we'll all shake hands and we'll never fight no more,

But we'll live like brothers and sisters, the same as we was before.

Before, before, before my boys, before for.

We’ll live like brothers and sisters, the same as 'we 'was before”

Valiant Soldier

“If you dont believe in what I say, Let Little Man Jack clear the way.”

(Enter Little Man Jack, with a row of small dolls on his back).

Little Man Jack

“Here comes I, Little Man Jack, wi' all my family on my back;

Out of Eleven I got but seven; half of they be gone to heaven;

Out of seven Igot but five; half of they be starved alive;

Out of five I got but three; half of they be gone to sea;

Out of three I got but two; and where they’m gone to I can’t tell you.

” “Here comes I, Little Man Jack,

If any man offend I, let him come back.”

(Old Almanac advances to take up the challenge).

Father Christmas

“Nay let's not fight, its a time of good cheer.

Put up your staves and we'll have some beer”

(addressing audience)

“Give us your money or give us some beer We'll come no more nigh you until the next year next year.”

Finishing song

And a mumming us’ll go me boys , a mumming we will go

We are the Potterne Christmas boys, a mumming us’ll go

We’re seven jolly boys come here to do our play

And when that we have dome our bit we’ll all’us go away…

… and a mumming us’ll go me boys , a mumming we will go

We are the Potterne Christmas boys, a mumming us’ll go

We fight with swords and staves me boys, it’s very thirsty work

We think it’s worth a pint or two for slaying this old turk …

… and a mumming us’ll go me boys , a mumming we will go

We are the Potterne Christmas boys, a mumming us’ll go

We don’t come for your money, we don’t come for your beer

but if youd like to give us some we’ll come another year…

… and a mumming us’ll go me boys , a mumming we will go

We are the Potterne Christmas boys…… a mumming us’ll go.